we have pet lesbian snakes
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize