did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
