Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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