I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
