peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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