Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Enjoy the penises
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
