We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
