How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
