You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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