How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
