Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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