what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
