This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
