I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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