Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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