Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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