your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
