This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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