i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
