I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
