Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize