I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
