Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
