A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
