the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
