There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
