I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You ruined the universe
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
