a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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