I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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