I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
