It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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