All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
