Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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