Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
