Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
