I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
