I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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