Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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