whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
