You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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