is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
