therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
now i know why i became what i already was.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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