Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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