i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
