Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
