I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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