GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
