what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize