I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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