One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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