He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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