so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
