She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
