You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
