I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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