i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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