apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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