Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
