He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
