So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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