Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize