boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize