32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
