the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
