he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
