You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
